I remember our conversations before. Her dreams, her plans. She knew God had a beautiful future for her, but the path had somehow, taken a different direction, and now here she was, about to close a painful chapter in her life.
I cried because I loved this family. I cried because I thought that maybe I could've done something. I cried because her email gave no glimpse of hope for that marriage. It was over.
This is not what God intended for marriage. His plan for families was, and is, beautiful. But we humans tend to ruin God's plans, and then we hurt. The devil has unleashed a vicious attack on families, an attack with the intent to kill. And the more misery and pain is caused in the process, the better! 50% of marriages, which begin with all kinds of promises of love for life, end in divorce. 50%!
Selfishness is a big problem. We are too focused on ourselves. We want to be comfortable, we want our will to be done. We don't want to get off the couch to save our family. It's never our fault. We believe we know what is right and we make sure others comply, no matter what it takes.
For my friend were the words. From the mouth of the man who promised to love her, came words of criticism and insults. He managed to hurt her with his words almost every day. She was messy, didn't make good decisions, didn't cook well, was not a good mother, ate too much sugar, didn't drink enough water, and the list goes on. If something happened that caused negative effects, it was her fault. She walked on eggshells, doing everything to be perfect so he wouldn't hurt her, but after so many years of this, my friend started believing that she was of no value. So now she was gathering whatever courage she had left to live the rest of her life alone, which was much better than in the company of her husband.
Words are not the only thing that is destroying families. Sometimes is the silence. We spend too much time on the computer or in front of the TV, robbing precious time from our loved ones. Then there's the ongoing competition with the Joneses, taking families to the prison of debt and even poverty. Some spouses are workaholics, spending most of their time outside of the home and leaving the children to grow pretty much on their own. And there's bad temper, stress, poor healthy habits, and so many other things that makes us give to our loved ones the worst of us.
I think in the end, the reason for it all, is that love has grown cold among so many. You see, love never hurts. Love protects, trusts, is patient, and is kind. As I read that beautiful chapter of love in I Corinthians 13, I'm drawn to ask God to fill my heart with this love. I want to love everyone, but I especially want to show the people whom I share my life with everyday, that they are worthy of my respect, patience, my kindness, forgiveness, trust, and protection. They deserve the best of me.
How is your family life? Are you giving your spouse and your children the best of you? What is the effect of the words that come out of your mouth? Do they build up or tear down? How are you showing kindness and forgiveness? Do you greet your spouse and your children with a smile at the end of the day? Do you send them off on their day with a big hug and heart felt "I love you"? How are you doing at spending time with your children just talking or playing what they want to play? And how are you doing at disconnecting from all the electronic devices to connect fully with your spouse?
God has a beautiful plan for families, and the only way the plan will succeed is if love is present. And for love to be present we need God, for God is love! Ask God to help you always be filled with love for Him and for the family He gave you. I think it's beautiful that I Corinthians 13 states in the end that the greatest of all is love! There's a lot of wisdom in that. A happy family is totally worth it!
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"Love is patient, love is kind."
I Corinthians 13:4
"God is love."
I John 4:16
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