Back from the past

I recently I made a trip to my past as I was looking for my high school diploma. I don't know why I need it if I already have a college degree, but ok, I guess I need it if I want to further my education. As I was looking through some papers, I found a stack of letters from friends and loose pages from old journals from my times as a teenager and young adult. I hadn't seen those in a long time, so I sat on the floor and started reading through them. Some of the letters brought me smiles, some made me cringe at my foolishness, and some brought tears. I have a letter handwritten by my dad when I was 11 years old. How I miss him!

As I read those letters, I felt a desire to go back in time and redo some of the things I did. I wish I could've used different words or done things a little differently. I wish I could go back to some people and apologize for my childish behavior and for thinking I knew better. You know, teenagers know everything. ;) I guess some things of my past where dragging me down.

I sat there on the floor, resting against the foot of my bed, just thinking about those days gone by. In some of my journal entries I asked God to change me. I guess I didn't like me that much then. Maybe I felt like I was holding myself back. I wasn't where I wanted to be because of me. I didn't have the life I thought I wanted and I turned to God to change the person I was.  So it is incredible to look at my old self and my new self and realize that God did change me. Not how I was expecting at the time, but God has made me into a better person. I'm not sure how He did it, but He did it! And I know He's not finished with me yet, so I can't wait to see what else He's going to do. I'm a masterpiece in progress, although I have a feeling that in God's eyes I'm already a masterpiece. :)

Thoughts were racing through my mind and I slowly came back to 2012. I really can't change the past. And some of the things I did were the result of immaturity. I would've done differently now simply because I've grown a little more and I've changed. People change. The past is exactly where it's supposed to be: in the past. It's part of my growth. It happened how it was supposed to happen based on what I knew and the life experience I had. It's no use trying to change or fix it. I can't! It would probably just make things worse anyway. And I really don't have to. Unless I hurt someone and I need to express my sorrow, my past happened how it happened and now I just need to keep moving forward. And I'm sure a few years from now I'm going to look back at 2012 and not know what I was thinking because I'm not done growing and learning.

So there's no need to dwell on the past. The only reason the past is there, is to help me see God's work in my life, and that has been incredible. I need my past to see where I was and where I am now, which gives me hope to where I will be when God is finished with the work He has to do in me. He promised to complete it so I know He will.

Now, like Paul said, I forget the things that are behind me and press forward. I look ahead. I have a crown of glory waiting for me. When I finish this race, God will smile and say, "Well done, good and faithful servant." Matthew 25:23

Is your past dragging you down? Do you feel like you just can't get out from under it? Are you constantly being reminded of your mistakes and immaturity? Your past is part of your story, but it doesn't need to be your story. God can change it into something amazing. He's got plans to prosper you and to give you a future. He has a crown of glory with your name in it waiting for you. Any past mistakes, sins, wrongdoings God wants to forgive and bury in the deep of the ocean to be gone forever as if they never existed! Give it all to Him and watch what He does with your life. Get up and continue the race. You're almost there! No need to rely on how many times you've fallen. You just need to get to that finish line. And God will run with you, helping you along the way. Keep your eyes on the prize! What's behind is exactly where it needs to be, behind. Now just press forward, toward the amazing future God has prepared for you!

"Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. "

Philippians 3:13,14

"And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ."

Philippians 1:6

Just like the butterfly

I don't know how long it had been there, but when I noticed it, it stayed in the same place at least 2 more days. A little butterfly had landed on one of the flowers of the pot on the porch and just didn't leave. I nudged it gently, but it didn't fly away. It's wings were closed and the butterfly didn't want to go anywhere!
It had been raining for almost 2 weeks and so I thought it must have been a new butterfly and was waiting for the sun to dry its wings and then fly away. I was half right.

Two days later we woke up to a beautiful sunny day. I checked on the butterfly and it was gone. I couldn't stop thinking on how fascinating it was that the little butterfly didn't move while it was raining, but then as soon as the sun came up, it opened it's wings and flew away. I did a little research and this is what I found out. Butterflies can't fly well in the rain because they can't fly with wet wings. So they usually settle in a safe place and stay there until the sun shines and they can fly again. If their wings get wet, it is extremely difficult to fly, and some can't fly at all. And what if they land in a dangerous place?

How fascinating that the butterfly knows when to fly and when to wait. I so wish we humans had also the wisdom to know when to move and when to wait. I don't know how about you, but I'm finding it difficult to slow down. I just gotta keep moving, keep doing things, just going, going, going until my wings get wet and then I'm forced to lay still where ever I land! And not always do I land in a nice and safe place.

God wants to impart to us this wisdom of waiting. So many times He tells us to wait... when it's raining, when the conditions around us aren't the best, we should just find a safe spot, preferably at the feet of Jesus, and wait until the sun is shining again. If we don't do this, the results can be very painful.

 It's difficult for us humans to wait. We're so impatient. We want things done right now! If we have problems, we got to get things back to normal, pain free, as soon as possible! And we live in an age where we are constantly bombarded with information. We have to be plugged in the whole time! We are constantly on our ipads, laptops, and phones. Have you noticed how the news channels have all kinds of other news going on the screen while they are talking? Talk about information overload. And this can be all so addicting that we don't take the time to just sit down and relax. And what about our to do lists? They just keep growing and growing and we cut down on sleep, family time, and other important things so we can get all of those things done. And we still think there's not enough time in the day to finish everything! I'm tired just writing about all this!

We need to slow down!

I encourage you to slow down. Stop what you are doing and listen to God's voice. What is He saying? Move when He tells you to move, but until then wait for the rain to stop and for the sun to shine again. Just like the butterfly :)

http://www.ucolick.org/~egates/CostaRica/CostaRica-Pages/Image5.html

"But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."

Isaiah 40:31

"Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!"

Psalm 27:14

Never alone

I love it when I get to wake up earlier than everyone else in the house so I can spend some quiet moments with my God. He always has incredible things to teach me and today was no different. As I sat quietly on the couch looking outside the window, He revealed some important truths to me. I had just read Mark 4:35-41 where it talks about Jesus calming the storm. Now, how many times have I read this story? Most of us know this story by heart and many of us have learned about it since we were kids. But just as anything else in the Bible, there are always new things to learn and discover.

So this is how the story goes...

Jesus is tired after a long day of teaching. He had been teaching his disciples and a large crowd of listeners and in the evening He suggested that He and his 12 disciples get in the boat and cross the lake to the other side. They leave the crowd behind and step into the boat. It's a calm evening as they quietly cross the waters of the lake. Jesus is tired and lays down to sleep in the stern. While He was sleeping a big storm comes up and the situation gets quite serious. The disciples try everything to keep the boat and everyone safe, but all in vain and they were getting desperate. The storm is just too big for them! They finally remembered Jesus who was still sleeping and quickly wake Him up: "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?" Mark 4:38

Don't you care? Jesus! We are in the middle of a storm. We are all about to drown in this sea of problems. The waves are too big and water is getting into the boat. Jesus, don't you care? We can't do it on our own anymore! We've tried! Trials and temptations are all around us and we just can't make it! Don't you care? How can you just lay there sleeping?

Jesus gets up and commands the storm to stay still and lovingly rebukes His disciples: "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?" vs. 40

Why are you so afraid? We've been together all this time and you still don't trust in me? I'm in the boat with you. I'm going through the storm with you. Is your faith so small that all I can do is calm the storm? Why not ride the storm together? It's ok, I'm here. I'm not leaving you. I do care...more than you'll ever know...

As I read the words of this story, I could so see myself in those scared disciples. How many times have I gone through difficulties and after trying everything and realizing that I just can't do it, I finally turn to God, not to ask Him for help, but to complain that He must not care about me. Does this sound familiar to you too? We easily tend to ask the question "why? Why me?" And if God is so loving, then why does He allow us to go through such difficult things? Doesn't He care?

Years ago I read the story of a young man who had gotten cancer. The tittle of the story was "Faith Enough Not to be Healed." You can read it here. As I read his experience, I had to agree that it required a lot more faith for him to go through all he was going through and remain trusting in God, than to have his cancer simply cured. It does take more faith to go through a trial and remain faithful than to have the trial removed, and that's why Jesus asked His disciples "Do you still have no faith?"

Jesus promised that He will never leave us nor forsake us. Even if our own mother forgets us, and that's pretty difficult to happen, Jesus will never forget us. He loves us more than anyone else in this world. He knows we live in a difficult place, He knows we don't like to suffer. He didn't create us to suffer. That's why the Bible is full of promises for us during trials. God is always near us, and when we are going through problems, we can be sure that He is going through them with us. He's in the boat too!

So next time you are going through a difficult time, and you may be going through one right now, hold on to the boat and rest assured that Jesus is inside the boat with you. And if you start getting afraid ask Him to help you stay calm. Whatever He thinks is best for you, one thing is for sure. If you trust in Him, He will not only calm you, but will also ride the storm with you for He cares for you more than you'll ever know. The waves may be huge, the thunder loud, and water may be even getting inside the boat, but everything will be ok because He's with you. Just trust. Hold on! And at the end of the storm you'll be able to say like king David, who walked with God through the valley of the shadow of death ,"Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever." Psalm 23:6

 

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"Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me."

Psalm 23:4

 "I sought the Lord and He answered me. He delivered me from all my fears."

Psalm 34:4

To a Wonderful Woman

God has placed some incredible people in my life, but there’s one in particular that has had a lasting influence in my existence from an early age. This summer I got to spend a few weeks with her, and what a remarkable woman she is.

I don’t know if it is because I’m older or because I'm a mother, if it is because of where God has brought me in my walk with Him, or maybe a combination of all, but this time I saw her with different eyes. We've been together a lot, but this time it was different, and I truly enjoyed what I saw. Let me tell you a little about her.

She has the most beautiful smile. Her face lights up when she sees me and it makes me feel happy. I just have to smile back. Her smile transmits love and joy, and through her eyes I can see how much she cares.

She’s humble. She doesn’t exalt herself. She wants others to feel their best. And when I’m with her, I do feel my best and I can’t stop sharing how wonderful she is. She’s also very generous, no strings attached. She gives from her heart. She would give me the world if I needed it. She likes to help, and loves to surprise me with little things and sometimes with big things. I know she wants the best for me.

She’s pure. She focuses on the future and where God is taking us. She really doesn’t care about the past, unless it brings glory to God. She looks at the good in people and there’s always something good to find. When I’m with her I feel motivated to be even better. She’s such and encouragement.

She’s very talented and quite the artist. If she doesn’t know how to do something, she’ll figure it out and learn what she needs to learn. She’s an amazing musician. She plays her piano with passion and the simplest piece of music becomes a masterpiece under her talented fingers. I could listen her play for hours!

She loves her husband and her children. Her grandchildren are a crown in her head and  she loves them with all her heart. She truly enjoys spending time with them, reading, playing, and listening to them. There’s just something about grandparents and their grandchildren. Some day I’ll figure that out.

One thing that I’ve always admired in her, is her ability to make us talk and share. I think it may be because she’s a great listener, but I truly enjoy our conversations, and this past summer we got to spend hours and hours talking. And our conversations are always so interesting. Love it!

Of all the wonderful things I saw in her, I always ended up saying the same thing: Jesus shines through her! I can see that she's been spending time with her Savior because I see Him in her. The Bible says that by beholding we become transformed, and I know without a shadow of a doubt that she has been beholding Christ!

This remarkable woman is the one God gave me as my mother, one of the greatest blessings in my life and what a role model she is to me. I too want to be an encouragement to others and I want them to feel their best when they are with me. I want to only see the good in people. I want to be humble and pure. But most of all, I want to reflect Jesus in everything I say and everything I do. I want people to look at me and see Jesus. I want my life to glorify God just like my mom’s life does.

Right now we live worlds apart. There is a big ocean separating us and we get to see each other maybe once a year. Thankfully the internet keeps us in touch daily, but I miss her hugs, her warmth, shopping and trying new recipes together, or thinking of new and better ways to decorate my house. I miss our cello-piano duets. I miss seeing her playing with my son or sitting at my desk chatting with my siblings on the computer. I miss going for walks with her or just sit on the deck chatting while trying to avoid the mosquitoes. I miss walking her to her cabin every evening and I miss seeing her smile every morning when I come downstairs. I miss not having her beside me in the car when we were going somewhere. How I miss her...

You know, the prophet John wrote Revelation when he was exiled to the island of Patmos, and in a vision that God gave him about the new Heaven and the new earth, he noticed that there was no sea. ( Revelation 21:1) Now I love the ocean, but that ocean separates me from the woman I love the most on this earth, so this promise is very dear to me.

I just can’t wait for that day when we’ll walk through the gates of our heavenly home and I’ll get to spend eternity close to this wonderful woman whom God placed in my life.

                 Happy birthday mama. I love you with all my heart!

"Her children arise and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her:  

'Many women do noble things but you surpass them all.' 

 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.  

Honor her for all that her hands have done,
    and let her works bring her praise at the city gate."

Proverbs 31:28-31